I Promise...

Switching things up a bit today with a slight variation on a Wedding Wednesday post.

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In my 22-but-soon-to-be-23 years of living, I have created a list of phrases that I will never say. The list is rather short, and I genuinely believe that all of mankind should adopt it as the "Official List of Banned Phrases," but that's just my humble opinion. I created the list because the majority of mankind does not subscribe to such a philosophy, and I have been the target of said phrases more times than I could possibly count.

The list started off with a single phrase when I was sixteen years old:

No. Just, no. We can discuss this later if you find this to be original or clever or totally not-obnoxious in the slightest...
or if you think that raining on a 16-year-old's parade is funny.

The list progressed to a few phrases over time:

Followed by:

I realize that I'm preaching to the choir, here. You're naturally an A+ human being who actively participates in this crazy phenomenon called "thinking before you speak"... and for that, I applaud you. However, rest assured that many of your fellow human counterparts aren't quite there yet.

I thought the list was rather complete. Short & simple -- clearly a result of forgetting what it feels like to be an ecstatic 16-year-old or an uncertain 21-year-old (or 22, or 23, or 24, for that matter). People really do mean well -- it just happens.

But then... I got engaged. Needless to say, the list has grown exponentially.

To all the engaged women of the world, present and future, I hereby promise to never say the following to you:
*denotes a legitimate, verbatim quote. Word-for-word, people.

Drop in the bucket, folks. It's hysterical. I also promise to not publicly proclaim my plans for your wedding with an emphasis on "IF I get invited." While we're at it, I even promise to not threaten to crash your wedding, because that is the exceptionally-kind individual that I am.

Who possibly has the time to be a crazy bride when there are so many crazy not-brides in the world?